I’m Back!

So, last week my computer died… Died as a doornail my friend died. We didn’t get the blue screen of death, oh no.. we got the “there is a corruption in the operating file”. OMG! It took all week but my sweet hubby was able to bring it back from the dead! Yeah!!! So, I’m back to write again!

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately. I made a commitment to myself about a month ago. At church we were challenged to think about things we think we could do better, choice one and then write how this one thing would make our lives better. I have many things I feel I could do better, but one thing I’ve neglected for many years is my personal scripture study. I made the commitment to myself that I would read for at least 5 minutes everyday. The problem I’m finding is cutting myself off after 15-20 minutes. I have found my mind is more open. I’m a finding I feel impressions of things to do.

For example, last week I just felt like I needed to follow Riley to the bus stop. I don’t know why. But I did. Or I just felt like I needed to go up and see Allen at work. He said he really needed this. I figured if I’m willing to follow the Spirit, then I will have more impressions.

I have been trying to find one thing I can make better each day. One thing I did was hang a pretty picture in my bathroom. I wanted a place I could go and get a little recharge. I took this picture when the flowers were blooming. I love it! It makes me feel happy and calm.

Last week I took Riley to another doctor appointment. And it was a frustrating waste of my time. And it made me angry. And it made me sad. And I didn’t feel like a super Grover mommy at all.

This mommy thing can be hard sometimes. It’s hard to hear there is something wrong with your sweet little boy, and that the only thing they (doctors) can do is give him a pill that may or may not help. And to know that a pill was not going to be an option. He wont take it. And to have them tell you that this was the only option, when all the research you have done says that it is ONE treatment. Just one option, and one that is risky. It’s hard. And it’s hard not take my unhappiness out on little miss talking none stop or when the baby is screaming, or when the kids start fighting! Big deep breath! I can do this. I believe the Lord will help me do this.

I read this week a wonderful thought. The author said that she prays to love what God loves. I love this! It inspired me to write this:

 

A Mother’s Prayer

Lord, let me love what you love!

‘Cause right now it’s kinda hard.

The dishes in the sink are piled up

And someone just pulled his sister’s hair.

My feet are sticking to the floor

The baby has a poo

All around me is messing and loud

And I’m feeling overwhelmed.

 

Lord, please let me love what you love!

Those little sticky hands

The runny noses

The messy rooms

The crying and whining…

Oh, wait that last one was me!

I’m trying to find the joy

In the little things all around

So, Lord please help me

I know it can be found

 

Lord, please help me love what you love!

Let me see my babies as you do:

The noble ones sent by you.

Help me teach them to be brave

And kind and respectful too

And not be frazzled when things don’t go our way.

 

Lord, let me love as you love!

Help my voice touch their hearts

In a soft and gentle way.

Please let your sprite guide my footstep

Along my motherhood way

Lord, let me love as you love!

Thanks for reading! I hope we can all find joy in each day. That we can find a way to change our world! With our kind Heavenly Father and Jesus, all things are possible! So, get out there Super Grover Mommies! We can do all things!

Morning Do Over

Got up this morning in a bad mood… not sure why. I went to bed early, Baby E didn’t get me up at an ungodly hour. But, I woke up with a bad head ache and feeling like I hadn’t slept a wink. My mood didn’t improve as we sat and ate breakfast, trying to rush Riley to get ready for school and out the door for the bus. Allen was also in a grumpy mood, and I’m afraid we were feeding each other's mood. Sigh, trying really had not to yell and scream “Riley! Move it!!! Emma quite picking! Beka knock it off!!!” 

One of my favorite movies of all time is Anne of Green Gables. I have seriously seen the movie hundreds of times (I’ve worn a VHS and a DVD out). In the first few minutes you see Anne walking in the woods reading a book. Then you hear Mrs. Hammond yelling at her. At the end of the scene Mrs. Hammond turns to her kids and yells “EAT!”  It was a bad moment when I realized I was becoming a mom like her! Ugh!

Riley and Allen left. And I was still grumpy. So, I called for a morning do over! I put Ephram back in his crib, tucked the girls back into their beds and told them we were doing a do over. I was going to go into my room and take a shower. They were to stay in their beds and pretend to sleep, I would come and let them know when it was time to get up. I went into my room (still grumpy) and decided I needed an attitude adjustment. I got into the shower and got clean. This had an amazing effect on my mood. I felt so much better, I even brushed my teeth!

During this time Ephram finally went to sleep. Yeah! After I got dressed and felt like a new improved Super Grover Mommy, I went into the girls’ room. I walked in and said (loudly) “Good Morning Girls!!! I’m so happy to see you guys! Let’s get up and get this room cleaned up” I made both of them jump! and they laughed. and we had fun getting the dirty clothes put into the dirty clothes basket. We took them downstairs so that Emma would have something to wear for bed.

The day went better. I am working on this no yelling thing. I read something today that really struck a cord in my heart: I don’t want to unleash my bad feeling on my children because they don’t deserve it. Will I have ugly feelings and want to yell? Yes. Can I choose not to. Yes. I can choose to tell my kids how I’m feeling without yelling AT them.

Last Friday, I felt like we should keep Riley home. I was very conflicted. I wanted to go up to the county fair (we didn’t get to go at all). I wanted Allen to take the day off. I wanted to do something fun as a family. But, Allen went to work.  I keep feeling like I really should keep Riley home. But… I didn’t. I drove him to school. I kept asking him if he wanted to stay home. He didn’t. He was excited about fab Friday activities. But his head was hurting, a little. When he got home, he wasn’t feeling too good (and he bombed his spelling test and he’s fab Friday activities weren’t what he had hoped). I got dinner made (which I totally ruined) and he started screaming about his head and throat hurting. I got him upstairs and he had a low grade fever. He hasn’t been wearing his glasses and now had a migraine.  The pain was so bad, he willing took pain killers (Riley NEVER takes any kind of meds). He finally went to sleep. Poor guy. Moral of story? Listen to your instincts. I could have gotten Riley to drink lots of water likely staving off the headache and we would have had a fun time together as a family. Lesson Learn!

So, today when I pulled into my driveway and noticed 7 teen boys sitting on the neighbor’s wall. I try not to judge others, but it has been my experience that when more than 2-3 teen boys get together it means trouble. I wasn’t quiet done finished doing the grocery shopping, I was just dropping off the frozen stuff. I did drop off my groceries and started heading to the next store. I felt a very strong impression that I should return home. I’m not sure why. But, I turned around and parked the van. 4 of the boys were still there. So, I let my girls play in the front on their bikes. The boys were left in about 10 minutes. Not sure why I had the impression, but I’m glad I listened.                          

The other thing I am working on is discipline vs. punishment. I know there have been times when I wanted to punish the kids for what they did, how I was feeling inside. I wanted to make them feel bad. This is hard to write, because this is so not the mom I want to be. Do kids need discipline? Yes. They need to know there are consequences to our choices. Sigh, but not my mad, angry, out of control, stuff directed at them to make them cry and feel bad. Our family motto is: I will be kind, respectful, and gentle to myself and others. I am learning that I need to follow this motto as badly as my kids do.

I’ve also tried take stock of my triggers, what’s making me feel out of control. One of them is when there is too much static noise. For example, if the TV is on, the computer game is going, the dishwasher is running, the dryer is going, and kids are running around. I can feel the walls coming in on me and my blood pressure go up. It’s too loud. Solution: stop the dishwasher or the dryer, turn off the TV, go outside.

This is a process. I am learning and changing how I do things. I don’t believe in being fake with my kids, that everything is wonderful and perfect. But I want them to know that I love them and want the best for them. I don’t want them to be afraid of me. 

See, I can change my world! I did it today, and I can do it tomorrow as I choose how to express my emotions! Go Super Grover Mommy!

 

Belly Breath

Today was not such a good day… It wasn’t a bad day, but I have to admit to yelling at the kids at least once. Sigh… my inner monster came out. But, I explained my expectations at the store and the kids excided my expectations! Yeah! And I kept it my cool when Riley had a panic attach at the store.

Yesterday I found this perfect video yesterday, and the girls made me watch it about ton of times today! It’s perfect:

 

I used this method with Riley today at the store. He was panic about choosing something from the dollar section. I don’t really know why.. it drives me crazy when he does this. I’ve tried telling him that there is no wrong choice, but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. But I had him breath, and the girls helped. And he got it under control. And I kept it under control. Go Super Grover Mommy!

So, Belly Breath Super Grover Mommies! It really works, and if it doesn’t seeing Elmo turn into a scary monster has to make you laugh and turn your mood around!

I do not know what epiphany is, but I believe I just had one

Yesterday as I was snuggling Beka Boo on the couch watching Sesame Street (our current favorite thing to do when Emma is at preschool and Ephram is down for his morning nap), Grover came on and said: “I just had an epiphany! I do not know what epiphany is, but I believe I just had one!” I just had to giggle. And what, dear friends was Grover’s epiphany? “Why, I am special! And you are special, we are all special.”  At which time he then breaks in to song. How can you not love Sesame Street? 

 

 

I have been having epiphanies. By trying hard to think before I “react”. I am so not perfect. No, not even close. But, if I can stop, even one time, the yelling and screaming, I’ve won. I love Grover’s message: I AM SPECIAL. There is no one in the whole wide world just like me. There is only one me and I’m important. Love it!

Today was interesting. Riley had his occupational therapy. This is always tricky, trying to get all 5 of us dressed and in the van by 7:30 AM. Riley was really crazy this morning. His therapist mentioned this to me. We talked a little about his diet and sleeping. Poor Riley had a hard night. He walked in his sleep and got lost. Add to this that breakfast was a banana (I was planning on getting him something on the way to school). I had a kid who was wound up tighter that a sling shot. He was grumpy and picking and being nasty.

As I was driving toward school, I had a quiet thought “He needs to run, be in the grass, see the trees, feel the sun, breath in the air. He needs to play and not be told what to do. Just for a few moments and things will be better.” This thought “He needs to run” kept coming to me.

“But, can he afford to miss any more class time? He’s already struggling in school… This can’t be a good choice”

“Yes, it is. You need to stop and let this poor kid run.”  

So, I stopped at a park. We hadn’t been to this park in a LONG time. The kids didn’t recognize it. And I let Riley out and told him to run, hard. Boy, he jumped out the van like a shot! And he ran, for five minutes hard. And then he climbed and jumped. Explored. He got to be a kid. The girls had a blast. They ran and played, went down the slides.  Beka Boo ran though the grass with her shoes off. And for 10 minutes, we found peace. It was wonderful.

Then, I had to use the restroom. So, they got 5 more minutes to play. Then I called the crew in. Well, Riley called the crew in. The girls wouldn’t come when I called. Riley called out “R.E.B. club! Come on!” and they did. Amazing.

We stopped and got Riley a breakfast sandwich. He was thankful and nice. We dropped him off an hour late to school, and I just didn’t care. I know he got more out of school today because we stopped.

The interesting thing was the trickle down effect this one act had. Emma was so nice and helpful. She was trying so hard to be a good girl today. I believe she needed the time at the park too. I felt better too. I am learning how to trust my instincts.

Riley was still hard today after school. He was having a hard time concentrating. I could feel myself getting frustrated. Working on spelling is always hard. Trying to learn those stupid spelling rules when the spelling list doesn’t follow the same spelling rule is madding! For example, this week they are working on the oo sound … in words like few or fruit. Ok, ew or ui. Got it. Then they have a word like fluid. It is pronounced: flu-id (floo-id) where fruit is pronounced: froot. Or more crazy: pursuit. For a second grader? Seriously? I have always struggled with spelling. I am so grateful to spell check.

Anyway, Riley was mind was not catching anything I was saying (which his therapist had said this morning) and I was getting cross. I took moment, and then we changed how we were working on the words. This went so much better. And I didn’t yell. I put my energy into solving the problem!

Then I let the kids play outside until dinner. I’ve given Riley a slightly bigger boundary this week. He can ride up and down the street outside our little cul-de-sac. By doing this,he found a couple of boys from school to play with. He came in sweaty and happy. Riley has been playing with the little boy next door, but he is only three and it’s been kind of hard the last couple of days. Dinner got made with no one fighting, they were too busy outside.

So, I was able to change how the day went, just by listening and doing.

I can change my world, one moment at a time!